YES, YES, HELL YES. I lost my copy of Serious Sam years ago so when Croteam announced that they were re-releasing Serious Sam with new graphics onto Steam, I knew what had to be done: play the hell out of this and then write a review.
If Serious Sam was a porn, it'd be composed of Ron Jeremy and John Holmes tag teaming some virgin. In this case, the virgin consists of your coddled and pampered gaming skills which are now soft and mushy since over the past decade most game developers forgot what frantic action means and have tried to shoehorn frivolous garbage like plots and "deep" messages into their shooters. Or, they have limited their technology to only allow a few targets on the screen at a time while trying to ooh and ahh the gamer with the fifth iteration of their lens flare graphic sub-routine with trilinear filtering or some other bullshit and then have the audacity to call it an important and a great step forward in gaming while charging us $50-$60. To the developers and publishers then: who the hell do you think you're kidding!? These aren't tests of skill, they're tech demos of your computer nerd wankery.
Croteam, the wonderful Croatian developers behind the Serious Sam series, realized all of that was nonsense and so took it upon themselves to remind
game critics and
other developers what really matters in a shooter: Finger cramping Action with a capital 'A'. While id Software may be a direct reference to what Freud called the instinctive part of the mind, Serious Sam is the id unleashed against your computer, your brain, and your gaming controls.
If you playing Serious Sam for the first time then you need to realize a few things. You have been treated like a baby by current generation shooters. You need to forget about some things you probably take for granted in current shooters such as:
1. A few creatures at a time -- This is called "SERIOUS SAM" not "Some guy named Sam." You don't send a guy named
Serious Sam into battle which could be handled by any person with a rocket launcher. You better get ready to rock out with your cock out cause you hit the ground running in this game. Literally, your character is dropped into the screen and after about five steps you're presented with bad guys. Headless creatures, skeleton creatures, herds of bulls, multi-armed machine gun wielding scorpoions, all have a present for you: your head on a plate. Consider yourself lucky if have anything less than 15 bad guys on the screen at once attempting to kill you. A more normal average is about fifty at a time.
2. Cover -- The only cover you'll have in this game is if you go hide under your bedsheets. Maps are normally simple geometric patterns with some pillar or tiered walkways with doors that don't open until everything is dead. Don't even think you can hide from anything for any long period of time once the action starts.
3. Thinking a problem through -- Having trouble getting past some creatures and want to out think the bad guys? You might as well try to out think a lamp post. The monsters in this game have only one thing on their mind: KILL PLAYER. It doesn't get any more basic than that. The creatures are like the creatures from "Aliens" without the moments to pause before slaughtering everything in sight. The only real thought you need is "do I use the shotgun, chain gun, or plamsa canons on this creature?" Protip: the answer is "Yes, hell yes, and sure!"
4. Outrunning the bad guys -- Sorry, the bad guys are faster. No stealth or night vision goggles will save you here either so you can't sneak up on them. The creatures have the ears of a bat and can see everything. Sorry you sneaker-shooter fans you have to come out the shadows or out of the closet or wherever the hell you are and fight like men in this one.
5. Rambo it -- Don't make me laugh, you'll be overrun by the mob so fast you'll be rage quitting after the first level if you try stand your ground. You'll be backpedaling and side strafing more than a traffic cop in Mexico City.
6. Thinking the game will play fair -- You recall how people complained about the "Monster pop out of closet syndrome" used in Doom 3 a lot? Serious Sam does that every 20 seconds or so from all directions and even in areas you already cleared. It knows you can't do anything about it except try to survive (note: you won't survive).
7. Maps or compass rose to stay orientated -- Whatever, man. Here's how to keep your sense of direction: are there bad guys that way? Yes? Then go there and kill them!
8. A story with an edgy or deep plot -- Now you're just being a emo pussy, maybe you should go read some Jane Austen. You want to know how nonsensical and crazy this game is? Go into the options and put it in Hippy mode. I kid you not there is a HIPPY MODE. If that doesn't scream out "I WILL HAVE FUN WITH THIS GAME" then you are the most unhappy person on the planet. Shit there's even a CHILD mode. Shoot the bad guys and they spew candy canes and sunshine out of their ass. Fun for the entire family. Can you say that about Modern Warfare? I seriously doubt it.
9. Alt fire modes -- God dammit you're some skirt clutching mama boy aren't you? Just super glue your index finger down on the MOUSE1 and rip that skin off later when you're done with the game.
10. Auto-aim -- I swear to christ the next shooter I see that even offers a PC gamer the opportunity to use auto-aim I'm going to go to a computer con and kick them in their privates. Keep that console crap outta my PC games. Yeah, yeah, consoles make more money and are ported to PC and not vice versa but there are LIMITS to what one will endure.
So what are you left with to beat this game? Your skill, that's it. How fast can your mind move the keys, how fast can you circle strafe, back pedal, and dodge single minded monsters who attack from all directions in relentless waves in an enclosed area that, while immense, provides very little respite from the thundering horde of creatures. That's right, this game is your gut check, your man card check, time to see if you really got something swinging down there. Do not be surprised if your fingers cramp into lumps of dead flesh from the constant movement and firing that you will endure in this. I am assuming of course you're playing on HARD mode or higher. Anything less results in your attempt at manliness being null and void. Go watch Lifetime channel.
But wait don't cry yet and go back to Call of Duty, you don't have to go at this alone. Included is a simple to setup cooperative mode which, as of this writing, should soon have dedicated server support. But even without dedicated server support, running a co-op game online for up to 16 players is very simple to get going with no port forwarding or other such nonsense needed (I'm looking at you Borderlands!) In fact, play in co-op mode as much as possible and having friends along for this ride is the recommended way to go.
In terms of the game engine, the new Serious3 engine is top notch with good looking textures and all that yadda yadda stuff. On top of the usual though, what's most impressive is the scale of the game world. While most games might limit you to a square kilometer or two, this game engine scales to miles in all directions. For example, do this: take your rocket launcher and find a distant object and shoot at it. In most games the distant objects will either be fogged over or the rocket will explode before it reaches the target. In this engine, the rocket will go on, and on, and on FOREVER until it gets there. I won't even spoil the scale of the bad guys either but when you're smaller then their big toe you know this game means business. SERIOUS business. Ha ha.. See what I did there?
Is this simplistic? Of course. Repetitive? Well duh! But it is fun just as it was in 2001 and the extra graphic eye candy is a nice treat. The easy to setup cooperative gameplay and fun core game mechanics make this the second best shooter ever created by mankind*. For $20 you can't go wrong at all.
* The first is Return to Castle Wolfenstein, in case you're wondering.