Foot meet horse. Do your thing.
Hey, let's kick a dead horse. Someone on another site tried to tell me that Mass Effect was good. I can't let such illogical things stand so I attempted to rebut his case. I liked what I said so here it is for you, too.
Here's how to sum up Mass Effect.
It's complete shit. It's the mayor of shit town in ShitCounty, North Dakota. It's so shitty not even Japanese tourists visit there. When aliens landed in Ancient Egypt times they helped build the pyramid to King ShitPharoh. When they laid the first cornerstone of the ShitPyramid, they didn't use sandstone, lime, or quartz, no they hopped in a Dr. Who like time traveling thing and brought a copy of Mass Effect and used that as the cornerstone of the Shittiest Pyramid ever.
The characters are complete bullshit. Not even the edgy tough guy (Drex) is interesting. Compare Drex to HK-47 in KoTOR (also by Bioware and a similar gameplay type). Who would you rather have by you in a firefight, some alien who cries a lot about his people not being able to breed or a assassin droid with zero conscience and who likes to convey stories about how he killed his previous masters? Don't answer that it's rhetorical, stop it.
The planet side missions were stupid as hell. You could either explore the blue planet and mine materials, the red planet and mine materials, or the green planet and mine materials. Total filler space and you had to fight the controls that dune buggy thing which handled like a bumper car.
But wait there's more! How about lots of hours of dialog from your characters that's supposed to reveal their "true selves" but instead results in you wanting to choke every single party member just so they would shut the hell up. Can you mute it and just get text? Hell no of course not, that'd be too easy! Bioware spent all the money bringing in Seth Green and Marina Sirtis to read lines so you're going to have to suffer through their voices as well.
How about that inventory system too! In an RPG managing inventory might be pretty damn important but they only time you could change inventory on your party members was when you were off the ship or in a store. Why let you do that while you're on your mother ship? I guess Bioware thought that'd make too much sense so of course it wasn't put into the game.
You know how bad it got? I didn't even try to play again. Normally I'll play once as good and then bad. I didn't even want to try and play it through as bad. And hey let's not forget that Mass Effect has its own hot coffee mod where you can get some alien love. Wait, that wasn't a user mod by some loser in mom's basement, that was actually included IN THE GAME. For shit's sake people get a date, go get laid, hell go get drunk and kill the brain cells that created that shit.
Same goes for Fallout. I made it to Megaton on a second try through then remembered how stupid and repetitive (and level locked) the game was and how pathetic the main storyline was and quit playing. Also, screw that VATS system right in the pooper. I shouldn't have to go Matrix every time I want to have a decent chance of getting a headshot. That was simply done to cater to the console crowd since none of them can aim worth a crap and they need some sort of short bus assistance. Real men use WASD+mouse but then the only way to consistently get headshots and thus preserve ammo is with that VATS things.
Here's how to sum up Mass Effect.
It's complete shit. It's the mayor of shit town in ShitCounty, North Dakota. It's so shitty not even Japanese tourists visit there. When aliens landed in Ancient Egypt times they helped build the pyramid to King ShitPharoh. When they laid the first cornerstone of the ShitPyramid, they didn't use sandstone, lime, or quartz, no they hopped in a Dr. Who like time traveling thing and brought a copy of Mass Effect and used that as the cornerstone of the Shittiest Pyramid ever.
The characters are complete bullshit. Not even the edgy tough guy (Drex) is interesting. Compare Drex to HK-47 in KoTOR (also by Bioware and a similar gameplay type). Who would you rather have by you in a firefight, some alien who cries a lot about his people not being able to breed or a assassin droid with zero conscience and who likes to convey stories about how he killed his previous masters? Don't answer that it's rhetorical, stop it.
The planet side missions were stupid as hell. You could either explore the blue planet and mine materials, the red planet and mine materials, or the green planet and mine materials. Total filler space and you had to fight the controls that dune buggy thing which handled like a bumper car.
But wait there's more! How about lots of hours of dialog from your characters that's supposed to reveal their "true selves" but instead results in you wanting to choke every single party member just so they would shut the hell up. Can you mute it and just get text? Hell no of course not, that'd be too easy! Bioware spent all the money bringing in Seth Green and Marina Sirtis to read lines so you're going to have to suffer through their voices as well.
How about that inventory system too! In an RPG managing inventory might be pretty damn important but they only time you could change inventory on your party members was when you were off the ship or in a store. Why let you do that while you're on your mother ship? I guess Bioware thought that'd make too much sense so of course it wasn't put into the game.
You know how bad it got? I didn't even try to play again. Normally I'll play once as good and then bad. I didn't even want to try and play it through as bad. And hey let's not forget that Mass Effect has its own hot coffee mod where you can get some alien love. Wait, that wasn't a user mod by some loser in mom's basement, that was actually included IN THE GAME. For shit's sake people get a date, go get laid, hell go get drunk and kill the brain cells that created that shit.
Same goes for Fallout. I made it to Megaton on a second try through then remembered how stupid and repetitive (and level locked) the game was and how pathetic the main storyline was and quit playing. Also, screw that VATS system right in the pooper. I shouldn't have to go Matrix every time I want to have a decent chance of getting a headshot. That was simply done to cater to the console crowd since none of them can aim worth a crap and they need some sort of short bus assistance. Real men use WASD+mouse but then the only way to consistently get headshots and thus preserve ammo is with that VATS things.
posted by Sphinx at
12:43 AM
2 Comments:
I liked Mass Effect, although for the dialogue and plot and not the action and certainly not the buggy. You can change your squad's inventories on your mothership, by going to each of their lockers. IIRC, it's the only way you can change all 6 squad members at once.
I guess then that we'll have to agree to disagree. Since this is my site though that means that I win and you lose. I could Venn Diagram that logic but I can't draw in four dimensions.
Regardless of that, I felt the dialog was pretty close to Star Wars levels of delivery (i.e. stilted), and also that it was in there just to move the story rather than give the characters any real depth. Oh sure they tried with Drex and his "Oh we can't reproduce, a bloo bloo blah.." but was that to garner sympathy or make me want to puke imagining those bipedal lizards trying to mate.
I will grant though that the plot was actually pretty good, but it was surrounded by so much garbage that it was hard to get into the story. In that regard it might be like a Stephen King novel: the plot is good but he his fingers get diarrhea so he can't make a story less than 1000 pages.
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